I Miss You (Sterek)
by pyrodaggers
Summary: Derek tells Stiles to leave the loft and Stiles gets killed in a car accident because of the storm outside. Derek believes that it's his fault.


Things were going great in Beacon Hills, except for the usual alpha problem, but that was normal. Stiles was over at Derek's again, for the 3 times in the last 2 days. It's not that Derek minded, but Stiles can get very irritating the longer he stayed around.

"Stiles, go home." Derek sighed and faced out the window, with his back to the boy in the red hoodie.  
"Derek, I don't want to go home. I honestly want to stay here. Plus, it's storming outside and I don't want to drive in this weather. Can't I stay until the rain slacks off a bit?" Stiles walked over to the alpha and stood next to him.  
"No." Derek kept his gaze on the rain that was sliding down the window to look like a small waterfall.  
"Come on, man. I don't ask for much! I just don't want to drive in this weather!" The younger man whined.  
"Go home!" Derek snapped, turning to face Stiles with red glowing eyes.

Stiles frowned, making Derek feel bad. He didn't really mean to scare him or make him upset. He just didn't want Stiles around him at the moment. He tried to apologize, but didn't know how and just stood silently. He wanted to call after Stiles when he walked away, but no words came out of his mouth. The alpha furrowed his brow in frustration then sighed.  
Stiles felt like Derek didn't want him around anymore. The alpha didn't have to be so mean and rude about it. If he would have just told him why he wanted him to leave, then he probably would have left sooner and just sat in his car until the rain slacked up. He grabbed his keys and left the loft in a huff, walking out to his car in the pouring rain. The boy got into his jeep, soaking wet, and drove off. He grabbed a towel from the passenger side and started drying his hair with one hand and the other hand on the steering wheel.

"Stupid Derek with his stupid attitude. Always trying to be the big guy. Always trying to get rid of people!" Stiles growled, not paying attention to the rode, not noticing a deer walk out into the middle of it. "Why is he always like th-OH, MY GOD!" He screamed and swerved.

The car spun out of control, the tires not able to grip the road from the rain and sleet on it. Stiles tried grabbing control of the wheel, but lost control of it, making the jeep go off the road and flip several times then finally stopped at the bottom of a deep ditch. The last thing he heard was the sound of the alarm on the jeep and the sound of the horn as his head was heavy against the steering wheel.  
Derek sighed then stopped when he heard a faint noise. He heard a car crashing and then a heartbeat slow. He knew that heartbeat. Stiles. He swallowed hard then grabbed his keys and jumped into his car, driving off as fast as he could down the road. He arrived at the scene of the jeep at the bottom of the ditch and his breathing hitch. He couldn't hear the heartbeat anymore. He smelled blood. Lots of blood.

"STILES!" Derek yelled, running down to the broken and totaled jeep.

Derek looked at the boy then ripped off the dented door and threw it to the side. He ripped out the steering wheel and carefully picked Stiles up into his arms and laid him on the ground. He grabbed his wrist and tried to take away the pain, but nothing was working. He checked to see if Stiles was breathing. He wasn't. The alpha, careful not to crush the boy, began CPR. He put his hand and fist on Stiles chest, and pushed down gently, but hard enough to try to do some good. He then stopped and held Stiles nose and breathed air into his mouth. He kept doing this for what was 10 minutes. Nothing happened. Derek sat back and looked at the beaten and battered boy, lying in front of him. No, he couldn't be dead. No, no, no! Derek believed that Stiles couldn't die! He believed that with everything that this boy has been through, there was no way he could die!  
The alpha listened for any breathing or heartbeat for what seemed like forever then took a shaky breath. He was too late. Stiles was gone. He could have prevented this if he would have just let Stiles stay! Why did he have to be so stubborn?! He hit his forehead against the palm of his hand a couple times and wolfed out. He roared loudly, making it echo through the woods and the air. He slowly calmed down after a moment and went back to his human state then looked at Stiles' body. It was so pale, lifeless, and still.

"Stiles, you have to wake up." Derek said in a whispering growl. "You're not supposed to die!" He felt his chest tighten and a lump in his throat.

Nothing happened. The alpha swallowed hard then shakily brought out his phone and dialed 911. He didn't care if he was arrested again.  
A few minutes later, an ambulance shows and tries to revive Stiles, only to get the same thing that Derek got. Nothing. They lifted him into the ambulance in a body bag. There was nothing that Derek could do now. Scott was surely to blame him for this and the beta had a right to. It was Derek's fault. All of it.

A few days passed. They held a funeral for Stiles. Everyone was there, except Derek. He was watching from the edge of the woods. He may not have wanted to admit it, but he cared for Stiles. A lot actually. After the service was over, everyone left, even Derek.  
A few more days past, Derek didn't go back. He wasn't himself anymore. He missed the loud laughter that filled the room nearly every afternoon before. He missed that sarcastic, hyper, persistent boy that was always around whenever he didn't want him to be. He realized that everyone was beginning to notice then tried his best to act as normal as he could. It didn't really work.  
That afternoon, he stared at his keys and debated if he should go see Stiles or not. He had nothing to do today and he felt this emptiness inside him. He sighed then grabbed his keys and went to his car. He drove to the cemetery and parked on the side then got out and hesitated for a moment before walking over to Stiles grave. It was covered in flowers and a picture at the grave stone of him smiling and blushing because Allison wanted a picture of him. Derek had to admit, it was a beautiful picture.  
He reached the grave and felt his chest tighten and his knees buckled, making him drop to his knees at the edge of the dirt line. He took a shaky breath and broke down into sobs. He hasn't cried or even teared up since his mother was killed.

"I am so sorry, Stiles." Derek let a small whimper escape his lips. "I should have let you stay. I shouldn't have let you go out in that storm. This is all my fault." He swallowed hard as a lump threatened to creep up into his throat. "I shouldn't have let my problems get ahead of yours at the time. You were always there when I needed you or didn't need you, but you helped anyway when you didn't have to. I should have let you stay and none of this would have ever happened. I should have gotten to you quicker. I should have been able to save you. I..."

The lump in his throat that he tried so hard to swallow, crept up and stayed. He couldn't say anything else. He just kept crying, sobs racking hard through his chest. He didn't realize he had wolfed out until he looked at his hands through his watery eyes. He felt like screaming and so he did. Instead of a scream, it came out as a loud and long, heartbreaking roar, since he had wolfed out. He fisted his black hair tightly, ignoring the slight pain from his claws, and roared again, this time yelling Stiles' name. His sobs, which once racked hard through him, slowly subsided into soft pants and whimpers, him muttering the words, "I'm sorry", over and over again until his voice was hoarse and he could hardly speak anymore. He sat there and whimpered, while it started raining. He ran a hand down his face, not caring if he wiped dirt on it. He swallowed hard, the back of his throat stung from being raw after screaming so. He shook his head and grunted as he tried to speak again. He whimpered and swallowed.

"I...I miss you, Stiles." Derek finally choked out, even though it was more of a whisper. "I miss you." He repeated, this time a bit more firm.

The alpha was telling the truth. He missed the laughter. He missed the sarcasm. He missed being cared about by someone who wouldn't leave. Stiles never left him, even when he told him to. But this time, Derek used a bit too much anger and frustration. It made Stiles leave. The one time the boy listened, he was killed.

Derek was never Derek after that. Not really. He would always stare off into space whenever he was talking. Whenever Stiles was mentioned, he would tense up and walk away, shaking like someone had just scared the living daylights out of him. He would never be the same again. He didn't have anyone to keep his feet planted on the ground, so he was wobbly. Easily beaten by other wolves. He got upset or angry about the littlest things. The worst part of it all was that Derek didn't sleep anymore. The nightmares and restless nights kept keeping him awake. He felt his body starting to shut down from not having any sleep, but he didn't seem to care, even when someone pointed it out to him. He will never be the same Derek, alpha, or man he used to be when Stiles was alive.


End file.
